Melting Like a Snow Cone in Phoenix

Last night I got on a flight home...

It was like a roller coaster and a car accident, all in one. The seat I was in was comfortable. It had an adjustable head rest with the two side flaps that can be bent up to support your head...well good thing for that cause that allowed the plane to play pinball with my head the whole flight as we flew through a f*cking hurricane. The two men beside me were like the comedian David Thorne wrote about, "burning like two small but intense suns." Jesus H Macy the heat the two men generated was like they had created a nuclear blast. I have a photo of how much clothing I actually took off to maintain a body temperature below 800 degrees. These two men had a combined weight equivalent to that of an Indian elephant, each with a girth of an industrial trash bin. I was the 'patty'...sitting between them, my face and cheeks wedged like a fat kid in a go cart helmet. The pilot recreated weightlessness not once not twice, but 4 times and my Mc Donald's cheeseburger that I ate for dinner got to see the light of day over and over by coming up on multiple occasions. When we landed, it was so smooth I thought the tail had broken off and that we crashed into the ocean. I'm celebrating life tonight. Time to go find my car and drive the two hour ride home in the pouring rain, at midnight.

Steph KadlickoComment